Circle of Life

Losing a pet is hard. I hesitate to say too much because, well, others have lost spouses, children, parents, and in face of those losses, a pet seems minor. But, I am here to say that, two weeks ago when I had to make the decision, I was devastated. My heart literally ached for the empty place in my life that had once had been filled with Cleo.

Cleo is the beagle, Munchkin the indignant cat. In reality they were tight and, while I can't tell for sure, I think he misses her. Cleo was fourteen and had lived a life of luxury for twelve of those years. I rescued her from a busy road; no one claimed her so she became a Means.

In thinking about a life without Cleo, I seriously thought that we would become a cat family. After all cats are fun and cute; they are fairly self sufficient and tend to live a long time. But after Cleo died I missed her canine companionship. She always wanted to be close to me and I never realized how much I talked to her during the course of the day. I was very lonely.

Three days later I decided to check a pet adoption website. I put in my usual criteria: female, chihuahua or terrier mix, small, young. As I scanned the first page one little face jumped out at me. It was love at first sight.

 

I immediately contacted the rescue organization, filled out the adoption application and planned for our meeting. It was not to happen that weekend. Crushed, I didn't want to deny her a forever home, I really hoped she would not get adopted. On Sunday I got the news that Maggie was still available. Her foster mom and I made arrangements to meet the following Wednesday evening.

I was so nervous. What if the meeting didn't go well? What if they suddenly decide my application was declined? Borrowing trouble - one of my great talents. I was outside trying to get a signal on my phone when I looked up and saw a little cream colored dog walking proudly with a spring in her step and ears bouncing up and down. She made me smile and I haven't stopped yet.

She brings with her the baggage of a rescue dog - but these things are small and nothing that time and love won't cure.

"All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need."

Next time...Maggie comes home.

Rest & Peace Rediscovered

For the past several years I have ferociously protected my Sundays. This was to be my day of rest. Rest from my work at Yarntopia. Rest from getting dressed and made up.  Rest from being around people other than my family, and sometimes I wanted rest from them as well.


Today, at church,  I rediscovered the true meaning of rest.  After the opening worship music, and during the pastor's call to worship, there was a moment when the words "Be still and know I am God" rolled through my mind. This is the place where true rest resides - in the quiet and the stillness of being with God.  Yes, I was in a room full of people, and yes I had to get dressed and put on makeup, but for that hour I was resting in the presence of God.  It was a simple but important reminder of what is true and what is false.


But that wasn't the only amazing part of the morning.  A while back Shorts began asking if she could go with us "when you start going to church again." Today was the day. Watching her experience a different style of worship, walking with her through her first experience with the Lord's Supper, and praying with her at the altar made for a once in a life time Sunday morning.  Our personal history makes what I am about to say particularly poignant: today the three of us worshiped as a family.


I spent many years grieving the fact that I never had a child. Walking alongside Courtney during her pregnancy and being present when Shorts was born was the most amazing experience of my life. From the moment I cut the cord and held her I felt a connection to Shorts that is second only to her mother. This child seated between us is a gift from God. I have never loved like I love her.  I now understand God's love for me in a fresh and powerful way.


The day culminated with Shorts seeing her beloved first grade teacher across the room.  Following the service we went to talk to Mrs. Hobson who had not seen us but "felt" that Shorts was in the room.  God is so amazing. Mrs. Hobson's family joined the week before we rejoined. God is surrounding Shorts with people who will love her and help her grow into the person He created her to be.  "Who knows the plans I have for you says the Lord?" Not in a million years would I have imagined that my life would look like this. 


I am thankful that God laughs at my plans while continuing to lead me along His perfect path.

Confessions of a Former Zealot

Like many others who are passionate about something important, I was once so impassioned about my faith in Jesus Christ that I was called a zealot by of all people, my pastor. That should have been a wake up call, but it wasn't.  I got caught up in the "rightness" or "wrongness" of nearly everything. I spent hours and hours in isolation and Bible study.  I agonized over every decision I made in my life; was it what God wanted me to do, say or think? It was paralyzing and I'm sure I scared people away from my presence.


Ten years ago I was heavily involved in the church where I really learned what it means to be a Christian; my first church home. I served on committees, the school board, taught Sunday school, led Bible studies, and was an integral part of beginning a prayer ministry.  When there was a change in pastors everything else changed and I became part of what can be so wrong about the church. I was one of those people who thought she knew better than others and that the my theology was the one and only truth. I kept most of this to myself and to a small group of people who believed the same way I did.  Hiding behind the sanctity of Scripture is a very safe place to reside. Following a contentious meeting with several church leaders, a rumor circulated that I was leaving the church. Rather than denying the rumor, I used it as an excuse to get out of this uncomfortable situation.


We found a church home for a couple of years, then drifted into the pattern of not attending church at all.  I love God, believe in Jesus but did not want to deal with the hurt that comes with the whole church thing. My business opened, my marriage flourished, we have three beautiful granddaughters and a daughter, all of whom are healthy and happy. I pray; and not just when I am in trouble. I read my Bible - not regularly. And I continued to believe that I could never walk back through the doors of my church home because "everybody" knew what had happened ten years ago and I couldn't face the rejection. Although I was sensitive to the pull of the Holy Spirit to come home, my anxiety and self will were firmly in control.


What I learned during these years is that God's love goes where we go. He never abandons us no matter how far we stray. I believe Scripture is God's Holy Word written by men inspired by the Holy Spirit, but I am no longer afraid of those who have a different theology than mine. I have learned that God is so big that our finite human brains cannot even begin to comprehend Him and I no longer use Scripture as something to hide behind or a tool to judge others. I told myself that nothing can take away God's love or my salvation.  Once intellectual knowledge these truths are now part of my experiential walk with Christ. I believe I am now emotionally and spiritually equipped to return to the fold.


God sent messengers to me. He sent messengers to my husband. He planted seeds. He watered seeds. And there I stood with my feet in cement. One more messenger came in the form of our very good friends and weekly dinner companions.  They dangled the carrot of our first pastor coming back for Mother's Day Sunday. The gauntlet was down. My husband really wanted to attend church and for the first time in all these years my self will came in second to God's will.


Yesterday morning I put on my big girl panties and went in to church with my head held high. What happened during the next hour is something that I will never forget. The music was uplifting and brought me to a place of worship. The first thought I had was "This is for me; coming to church isn't as much about the people as it is the opportunity to come into the presence of God and receive the bounty of His love." I realized how much I missed this time with my Holy Father. The sermon convicted me, encouraged me and helped me understand that I am truly a prodigal daughter of Faith United Methodist Church. And just like the son who came home to the unconditional love of his father, we returned to acceptance and love. The healing of these wounds is now complete.


God is good and I am blessed.

It Is Done, It Is Good

We've done it. 

After what seemed like an endless stream of papers and spending more money in one day than we ever thought possible, we held the keys to our future in our hands. I have been dreaming of a different kind of life, one of our own design rather than one imposed on us by external circumstances. For so long we have lived a reactionary life; now, we are living proactive and on our terms. It feels, well...so grown-up. 

This blog is going to be devoted to this new life and the process of turning our little house into our special home. Not only will I be redecorating but will use the house as a blank canvas for my Unchained Home crochet designs and freeform fiber art. We will also be cooking, gardening, bird watching, and possibly even learning to kayak. There is an active art community in Rockport and I would love to volunteer and get to know like minded art aficionados. 

I have never done a video recording much less upload it to the Internet, but with my handy iPad, I gave it a try. Come on in for a quick tour and then come back often to visit us on the coast.

Welcome Inside Chez Means de la Mer

Our new little home has a sun room that runs the full length of the house. At some point in the history of the house, this room was added and the original brick front is still intact. This is how the previous owner left it; I will turn this into a place where I can relax and create. The light is perfect and I plan to surround myself with books, art and fiber.  Heaven on earth.

We are keeping the bistro set - but I will be using it somewhere else. The wall color, in person, is much darker than it appears here; and while it is a nice color of blue, it is not the look I want, so it will get a coat of paint. The corner to the left of the photo is the perfect nook for my spinning wheel and my hoosier cabinet will fit nicely against that wall. I currently store fiber in it now and there is no reason to change.

This is the other side of the room and shows all the windows that will bring in tons of natural light. The outdoor furniture also stays with the house but will go out to the deck. I haven't decided exactly what I want to do with this side of the room. Possibly our antique breakfast room table; it is a drop leaf with an additional leaf. It will work as a desk, breakfast table, and could accommodate a large group for a meal.  I can also see this at Christmas time - a beautiful tree, garland, twinkling lights...but I'm getting way ahead of myself.  

First things first, sign the papers, get the keys, then launch headlong into the future.  The next post will be the first day of the rest of our lives...trite but true.

Countdown To The Dream - Day 9

Welcome to our little coastal home. Located in the town of Rockport, Texas this is where we will be going to escape, recharge, and get reacquainted. Today the countdown begins; we close next Friday. 

 

This house has many things that I have always wanted in a home. They may seem small, inconsequential to most - but it really is always about the little things isn't it?

A sidewalk that leads right up to the front door is a symbolic welcome home sign. It is traditional, it is a path straight to the heart of the home and it provides many decorating opportunities.  I'm not sure I have ever lived in a house with such an entry. What is the allure? I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it is wanting something I don't have, but I want to think it is more.

The back yard is a nongardener's dream come true. It is low maintenance with a deck and path: a trifecta! I counted a total of sixteen live oak trees on the property - most small, but this one in the backyard is large and provides a great deal of shade.

I have dreamed of a path in the backyard, here at Stately Means Manor. Our hard clay soil combined with St. Augustine grass makes it very difficult to remove sod and create flower beds and pathways. On the coast we have a sandy soil that will be so much easier to deal with. The fact that the previous owner started the process for us makes it even easier.

Rockport is a major stopping place for hummingbird migration and hosts a hummer festival every September. I want my backyard to become famous in hummingbird society - we will party down on all month long. I will be reclining on my deck while they are feasting from the bounty of my garden.

Rediscovering Joy

It happens to me every single time I do it.  Why do I forget?  How could I forget?  How can I be too busy for something that feeds my soul?

What am I talking about?  

Creating.  

The simple act of making something brings joy to my heart.  I love it most when I bring random items together to tell a story, evoke an emotion, or simply bring pleasure to the viewer. 

I have developed an affinity for Victorian-esque statues. I have a dancing man and woman that belonged to my Grandma Woodring and now whenever I find one that makes me stop to look, I generally buy it. I love the colors, and just the dainty beauty the exude.

As we prepare for moving day, I spend many hours looking at my collection of decorating magazines, plotting and planning the look of our little beach home. This will be a new outlet for my need to create. The wonderful thing about creativity in a variety of disciplines - one feeds the others. As I decorate I get ideas for crochet design. Not to mention just spending so much time in a place that is of God's most beautiful creations. More on our little house tomorrow.

Bring a little beauty into your life today - it is the little things that make such a difference.

Hope Springs Eternal

Last year I started 13 posts. Today I still have 13 drafts waiting to meet the world. Some will make it, others will remain private. Reflecting back I found some of the plans came to fruition.  I do not look back in regret; I see where I was, where I went, and now ponder what roads do I want to take in 2012?  Where are you headed this year.  May it be a journey that brings love and purpose to your life.


I started a post about our vacation.  Then I started a post about Christmas.  So much time has passed since all of that that I decided to skip right up to the present.  One of the beautiful things about a blog is being able to record life as it happens.  Thanks to the movie Julie and Julia, one year ago I vowed to blog everyday.  Well, that got me nowhere; when I began to slack I just gave up - my personality in a nutshell.  I realized that I didn't have enough interesting stuff to say everyday.  So, this year, I am trying for a weekly blog entry.  Hope springs eternal.

As I look into the new year I have no idea what will come our way.  On January 1, 2010 I had no idea that by the end of the year we would be sharing our home with our daughter and her three children or that I would be a few signatures away from owning my own home (yes, we own our home, but this time I get to help choose the house!).

I can look into the year and plan what I would like to happen, but only God really knows what will be coming our way.  I plan, but always defer to His wisdom, grace and love.

With that introduction, here is what I hope for, will plan for, and focus on in 2011:

Health for all those I love - I know that is generic and not very creative, but without good health nothing else matters.

I want my grandchildren to have a stable home - this is why I am getting another home, more on that later.

Quality time with my husband.  When we actually have time to ourselves we really have fun - what a refreshing thing to discover.  What has always caused difficulties in our marriage is the outside forces of others impacting us.  Couldn't we just live on an island?

Time and space for creativity.  This is my lifeblood.  If I am not creating I die inside.  

A new home - this is actually the first thing that I hope happens this year.  With this all the above can happen as well.  I have never been a part of choosing the home that I live in.  I chose apartments, but for reasons I will not go into, I have not chosen houses.  I want to choose my "forever house."

Earn money.  For many years now I have gone without earning any money.  I am blessed to have a husband who makes a good living and thus far I have not needed the money.  But, I would really like a monetary reward for my hard work.

I want to give back.  I will find a charity that touches my heart and not only give money but also of my time.  This is an important part of life that I have neglected of late.  Because of my dad, military causes always touch my heart as does hospice - those are amazing people.  And, of course there are the animals, the creatures God entrusted to our care and are so often neglected and abused by people.  I can't adopt them all (maybe a new kitty for the new house), but I can find ways to help.

Well, those are my hopes and dreams for the new year.  Where will 2011 take us?  Only God knows for sure.  See you same time next year and we'll compare notes.  

God bless us one and all.