Confessions of a Former Zealot

Like many others who are passionate about something important, I was once so impassioned about my faith in Jesus Christ that I was called a zealot by of all people, my pastor. That should have been a wake up call, but it wasn't.  I got caught up in the "rightness" or "wrongness" of nearly everything. I spent hours and hours in isolation and Bible study.  I agonized over every decision I made in my life; was it what God wanted me to do, say or think? It was paralyzing and I'm sure I scared people away from my presence.


Ten years ago I was heavily involved in the church where I really learned what it means to be a Christian; my first church home. I served on committees, the school board, taught Sunday school, led Bible studies, and was an integral part of beginning a prayer ministry.  When there was a change in pastors everything else changed and I became part of what can be so wrong about the church. I was one of those people who thought she knew better than others and that the my theology was the one and only truth. I kept most of this to myself and to a small group of people who believed the same way I did.  Hiding behind the sanctity of Scripture is a very safe place to reside. Following a contentious meeting with several church leaders, a rumor circulated that I was leaving the church. Rather than denying the rumor, I used it as an excuse to get out of this uncomfortable situation.


We found a church home for a couple of years, then drifted into the pattern of not attending church at all.  I love God, believe in Jesus but did not want to deal with the hurt that comes with the whole church thing. My business opened, my marriage flourished, we have three beautiful granddaughters and a daughter, all of whom are healthy and happy. I pray; and not just when I am in trouble. I read my Bible - not regularly. And I continued to believe that I could never walk back through the doors of my church home because "everybody" knew what had happened ten years ago and I couldn't face the rejection. Although I was sensitive to the pull of the Holy Spirit to come home, my anxiety and self will were firmly in control.


What I learned during these years is that God's love goes where we go. He never abandons us no matter how far we stray. I believe Scripture is God's Holy Word written by men inspired by the Holy Spirit, but I am no longer afraid of those who have a different theology than mine. I have learned that God is so big that our finite human brains cannot even begin to comprehend Him and I no longer use Scripture as something to hide behind or a tool to judge others. I told myself that nothing can take away God's love or my salvation.  Once intellectual knowledge these truths are now part of my experiential walk with Christ. I believe I am now emotionally and spiritually equipped to return to the fold.


God sent messengers to me. He sent messengers to my husband. He planted seeds. He watered seeds. And there I stood with my feet in cement. One more messenger came in the form of our very good friends and weekly dinner companions.  They dangled the carrot of our first pastor coming back for Mother's Day Sunday. The gauntlet was down. My husband really wanted to attend church and for the first time in all these years my self will came in second to God's will.


Yesterday morning I put on my big girl panties and went in to church with my head held high. What happened during the next hour is something that I will never forget. The music was uplifting and brought me to a place of worship. The first thought I had was "This is for me; coming to church isn't as much about the people as it is the opportunity to come into the presence of God and receive the bounty of His love." I realized how much I missed this time with my Holy Father. The sermon convicted me, encouraged me and helped me understand that I am truly a prodigal daughter of Faith United Methodist Church. And just like the son who came home to the unconditional love of his father, we returned to acceptance and love. The healing of these wounds is now complete.


God is good and I am blessed.

It Is Done, It Is Good

We've done it. 

After what seemed like an endless stream of papers and spending more money in one day than we ever thought possible, we held the keys to our future in our hands. I have been dreaming of a different kind of life, one of our own design rather than one imposed on us by external circumstances. For so long we have lived a reactionary life; now, we are living proactive and on our terms. It feels, well...so grown-up. 

This blog is going to be devoted to this new life and the process of turning our little house into our special home. Not only will I be redecorating but will use the house as a blank canvas for my Unchained Home crochet designs and freeform fiber art. We will also be cooking, gardening, bird watching, and possibly even learning to kayak. There is an active art community in Rockport and I would love to volunteer and get to know like minded art aficionados. 

I have never done a video recording much less upload it to the Internet, but with my handy iPad, I gave it a try. Come on in for a quick tour and then come back often to visit us on the coast.

Welcome Inside Chez Means de la Mer

Our new little home has a sun room that runs the full length of the house. At some point in the history of the house, this room was added and the original brick front is still intact. This is how the previous owner left it; I will turn this into a place where I can relax and create. The light is perfect and I plan to surround myself with books, art and fiber.  Heaven on earth.

We are keeping the bistro set - but I will be using it somewhere else. The wall color, in person, is much darker than it appears here; and while it is a nice color of blue, it is not the look I want, so it will get a coat of paint. The corner to the left of the photo is the perfect nook for my spinning wheel and my hoosier cabinet will fit nicely against that wall. I currently store fiber in it now and there is no reason to change.

This is the other side of the room and shows all the windows that will bring in tons of natural light. The outdoor furniture also stays with the house but will go out to the deck. I haven't decided exactly what I want to do with this side of the room. Possibly our antique breakfast room table; it is a drop leaf with an additional leaf. It will work as a desk, breakfast table, and could accommodate a large group for a meal.  I can also see this at Christmas time - a beautiful tree, garland, twinkling lights...but I'm getting way ahead of myself.  

First things first, sign the papers, get the keys, then launch headlong into the future.  The next post will be the first day of the rest of our lives...trite but true.