Welcome to 2013. How is it possible that another year has passed? Considering time seems to pass so quickly, I will not waste another precious moment pondering where 2012 went. No, I will look forward to what hopes, dreams and promises lie ahead as the year begins.
I begin this journey on my day off. Yes, that is right, my day off. One of the most exciting things about this year will be the one day per week that I will not be at work and can spend time doing the things that rejuvenate my soul and spirit. The goal is to do things other than that which relates to Yarntopia. The possibilities are endless.
Today is my favorite kind of day to stay home...cloudy, drizzly, and though it is not cold outside, I have a vivid imagination. John is in Las Vegas for CES, so after getting the girls to school I came home to a hot cup of coffee, caught up on General Hospital, and now have turned off the TV. The quiet is soothing. The only sounds I hear are Maggie and Munchkin, who are both absorbed in their personal hygiene, the gentle hum of the refrigerator, and the train, blowing its horn as it rumbles down the tracks.
With a full day ahead of me, I contemplate my tasks. The only thing I don't want to do is get to the end of my time and wonder what happened to those precious moments. I've already put in a load of laundry and straightened up the kid junk in the living room. So now it is time for a more creative pursuit. I am feeling the urge to play with fiber but really don't want the mess of dyeing the wool, so I guess I will use what I have and card some awesome batts. I have about 10 weeks before the DFW fiber show and I need to have plenty of merchandise.
As I close out this entry I hesitate to put my intentions in writing. I so often fail to live up to my own expectations. Who needs the pressure? But, well, here I go. My ultimate goal is to write something at the beginning of my weekly day off. As a part of that plan I will post pictures of what happened during the week. At the end of the year, hopefully, I will have a record of 2013 in words and pictures.
Onward...through the fog...
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Circle of Life
Losing a pet is hard. I hesitate to say too much because, well, others have lost spouses, children, parents, and in face of those losses, a pet seems minor. But, I am here to say that, two weeks ago when I had to make the decision, I was devastated. My heart literally ached for the empty place in my life that had once had been filled with Cleo.
Cleo is the beagle, Munchkin the indignant cat. In reality they were tight and, while I can't tell for sure, I think he misses her. Cleo was fourteen and had lived a life of luxury for twelve of those years. I rescued her from a busy road; no one claimed her so she became a Means.
In thinking about a life without Cleo, I seriously thought that we would become a cat family. After all cats are fun and cute; they are fairly self sufficient and tend to live a long time. But after Cleo died I missed her canine companionship. She always wanted to be close to me and I never realized how much I talked to her during the course of the day. I was very lonely.
Three days later I decided to check a pet adoption website. I put in my usual criteria: female, chihuahua or terrier mix, small, young. As I scanned the first page one little face jumped out at me. It was love at first sight.
I immediately contacted the rescue organization, filled out the adoption application and planned for our meeting. It was not to happen that weekend. Crushed, I didn't want to deny her a forever home, I really hoped she would not get adopted. On Sunday I got the news that Maggie was still available. Her foster mom and I made arrangements to meet the following Wednesday evening.
I was so nervous. What if the meeting didn't go well? What if they suddenly decide my application was declined? Borrowing trouble - one of my great talents. I was outside trying to get a signal on my phone when I looked up and saw a little cream colored dog walking proudly with a spring in her step and ears bouncing up and down. She made me smile and I haven't stopped yet.
She brings with her the baggage of a rescue dog - but these things are small and nothing that time and love won't cure.
Next time...Maggie comes home.
In thinking about a life without Cleo, I seriously thought that we would become a cat family. After all cats are fun and cute; they are fairly self sufficient and tend to live a long time. But after Cleo died I missed her canine companionship. She always wanted to be close to me and I never realized how much I talked to her during the course of the day. I was very lonely.
Three days later I decided to check a pet adoption website. I put in my usual criteria: female, chihuahua or terrier mix, small, young. As I scanned the first page one little face jumped out at me. It was love at first sight.
I was so nervous. What if the meeting didn't go well? What if they suddenly decide my application was declined? Borrowing trouble - one of my great talents. I was outside trying to get a signal on my phone when I looked up and saw a little cream colored dog walking proudly with a spring in her step and ears bouncing up and down. She made me smile and I haven't stopped yet.
She brings with her the baggage of a rescue dog - but these things are small and nothing that time and love won't cure.
"All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need."
Next time...Maggie comes home.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Rest & Peace Rediscovered
For the past several years I have ferociously protected my Sundays. This was to be my day of rest. Rest from my work at Yarntopia. Rest from getting dressed and made up. Rest from being around people other than my family, and sometimes I wanted rest from them as well.
Today, at church, I rediscovered the true meaning of rest. After the opening worship music, and during the pastor's call to worship, there was a moment when the words "Be still and know I am God" rolled through my mind. This is the place where true rest resides - in the quiet and the stillness of being with God. Yes, I was in a room full of people, and yes I had to get dressed and put on makeup, but for that hour I was resting in the presence of God. It was a simple but important reminder of what is true and what is false.
But that wasn't the only amazing part of the morning. A while back Shorts began asking if she could go with us "when you start going to church again." Today was the day. Watching her experience a different style of worship, walking with her through her first experience with the Lord's Supper, and praying with her at the altar made for a once in a life time Sunday morning. Our personal history makes what I am about to say particularly poignant: today the three of us worshiped as a family.
I spent many years grieving the fact that I never had a child. Walking alongside Courtney during her pregnancy and being present when Shorts was born was the most amazing experience of my life. From the moment I cut the cord and held her I felt a connection to Shorts that is second only to her mother. This child seated between us is a gift from God. I have never loved like I love her. I now understand God's love for me in a fresh and powerful way.
The day culminated with Shorts seeing her beloved first grade teacher across the room. Following the service we went to talk to Mrs. Hobson who had not seen us but "felt" that Shorts was in the room. God is so amazing. Mrs. Hobson's family joined the week before we rejoined. God is surrounding Shorts with people who will love her and help her grow into the person He created her to be. "Who knows the plans I have for you says the Lord?" Not in a million years would I have imagined that my life would look like this.
I am thankful that God laughs at my plans while continuing to lead me along His perfect path.
Today, at church, I rediscovered the true meaning of rest. After the opening worship music, and during the pastor's call to worship, there was a moment when the words "Be still and know I am God" rolled through my mind. This is the place where true rest resides - in the quiet and the stillness of being with God. Yes, I was in a room full of people, and yes I had to get dressed and put on makeup, but for that hour I was resting in the presence of God. It was a simple but important reminder of what is true and what is false.
But that wasn't the only amazing part of the morning. A while back Shorts began asking if she could go with us "when you start going to church again." Today was the day. Watching her experience a different style of worship, walking with her through her first experience with the Lord's Supper, and praying with her at the altar made for a once in a life time Sunday morning. Our personal history makes what I am about to say particularly poignant: today the three of us worshiped as a family.
I spent many years grieving the fact that I never had a child. Walking alongside Courtney during her pregnancy and being present when Shorts was born was the most amazing experience of my life. From the moment I cut the cord and held her I felt a connection to Shorts that is second only to her mother. This child seated between us is a gift from God. I have never loved like I love her. I now understand God's love for me in a fresh and powerful way.
The day culminated with Shorts seeing her beloved first grade teacher across the room. Following the service we went to talk to Mrs. Hobson who had not seen us but "felt" that Shorts was in the room. God is so amazing. Mrs. Hobson's family joined the week before we rejoined. God is surrounding Shorts with people who will love her and help her grow into the person He created her to be. "Who knows the plans I have for you says the Lord?" Not in a million years would I have imagined that my life would look like this.
I am thankful that God laughs at my plans while continuing to lead me along His perfect path.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Confessions of a Former Zealot
Like many others who are passionate about something important, I was once so impassioned about my faith in Jesus Christ that I was called a zealot by of all people, my pastor. That should have been a wake up call, but it wasn't. I got caught up in the "rightness" or "wrongness" of nearly everything. I spent hours and hours in isolation and Bible study. I agonized over every decision I made in my life; was it what God wanted me to do, say or think? It was paralyzing and I'm sure I scared people away from my presence.
Ten years ago I was heavily involved in the church where I really learned what it means to be a Christian; my first church home. I served on committees, the school board, taught Sunday school, led Bible studies, and was an integral part of beginning a prayer ministry. When there was a change in pastors everything else changed and I became part of what can be so wrong about the church. I was one of those people who thought she knew better than others and that the my theology was the one and only truth. I kept most of this to myself and to a small group of people who believed the same way I did. Hiding behind the sanctity of Scripture is a very safe place to reside. Following a contentious meeting with several church leaders, a rumor circulated that I was leaving the church. Rather than denying the rumor, I used it as an excuse to get out of this uncomfortable situation.
We found a church home for a couple of years, then drifted into the pattern of not attending church at all. I love God, believe in Jesus but did not want to deal with the hurt that comes with the whole church thing. My business opened, my marriage flourished, we have three beautiful granddaughters and a daughter, all of whom are healthy and happy. I pray; and not just when I am in trouble. I read my Bible - not regularly. And I continued to believe that I could never walk back through the doors of my church home because "everybody" knew what had happened ten years ago and I couldn't face the rejection. Although I was sensitive to the pull of the Holy Spirit to come home, my anxiety and self will were firmly in control.
What I learned during these years is that God's love goes where we go. He never abandons us no matter how far we stray. I believe Scripture is God's Holy Word written by men inspired by the Holy Spirit, but I am no longer afraid of those who have a different theology than mine. I have learned that God is so big that our finite human brains cannot even begin to comprehend Him and I no longer use Scripture as something to hide behind or a tool to judge others. I told myself that nothing can take away God's love or my salvation. Once intellectual knowledge these truths are now part of my experiential walk with Christ. I believe I am now emotionally and spiritually equipped to return to the fold.
God sent messengers to me. He sent messengers to my husband. He planted seeds. He watered seeds. And there I stood with my feet in cement. One more messenger came in the form of our very good friends and weekly dinner companions. They dangled the carrot of our first pastor coming back for Mother's Day Sunday. The gauntlet was down. My husband really wanted to attend church and for the first time in all these years my self will came in second to God's will.
Yesterday morning I put on my big girl panties and went in to church with my head held high. What happened during the next hour is something that I will never forget. The music was uplifting and brought me to a place of worship. The first thought I had was "This is for me; coming to church isn't as much about the people as it is the opportunity to come into the presence of God and receive the bounty of His love." I realized how much I missed this time with my Holy Father. The sermon convicted me, encouraged me and helped me understand that I am truly a prodigal daughter of Faith United Methodist Church. And just like the son who came home to the unconditional love of his father, we returned to acceptance and love. The healing of these wounds is now complete.
God is good and I am blessed.
Ten years ago I was heavily involved in the church where I really learned what it means to be a Christian; my first church home. I served on committees, the school board, taught Sunday school, led Bible studies, and was an integral part of beginning a prayer ministry. When there was a change in pastors everything else changed and I became part of what can be so wrong about the church. I was one of those people who thought she knew better than others and that the my theology was the one and only truth. I kept most of this to myself and to a small group of people who believed the same way I did. Hiding behind the sanctity of Scripture is a very safe place to reside. Following a contentious meeting with several church leaders, a rumor circulated that I was leaving the church. Rather than denying the rumor, I used it as an excuse to get out of this uncomfortable situation.
We found a church home for a couple of years, then drifted into the pattern of not attending church at all. I love God, believe in Jesus but did not want to deal with the hurt that comes with the whole church thing. My business opened, my marriage flourished, we have three beautiful granddaughters and a daughter, all of whom are healthy and happy. I pray; and not just when I am in trouble. I read my Bible - not regularly. And I continued to believe that I could never walk back through the doors of my church home because "everybody" knew what had happened ten years ago and I couldn't face the rejection. Although I was sensitive to the pull of the Holy Spirit to come home, my anxiety and self will were firmly in control.
What I learned during these years is that God's love goes where we go. He never abandons us no matter how far we stray. I believe Scripture is God's Holy Word written by men inspired by the Holy Spirit, but I am no longer afraid of those who have a different theology than mine. I have learned that God is so big that our finite human brains cannot even begin to comprehend Him and I no longer use Scripture as something to hide behind or a tool to judge others. I told myself that nothing can take away God's love or my salvation. Once intellectual knowledge these truths are now part of my experiential walk with Christ. I believe I am now emotionally and spiritually equipped to return to the fold.
God sent messengers to me. He sent messengers to my husband. He planted seeds. He watered seeds. And there I stood with my feet in cement. One more messenger came in the form of our very good friends and weekly dinner companions. They dangled the carrot of our first pastor coming back for Mother's Day Sunday. The gauntlet was down. My husband really wanted to attend church and for the first time in all these years my self will came in second to God's will.
Yesterday morning I put on my big girl panties and went in to church with my head held high. What happened during the next hour is something that I will never forget. The music was uplifting and brought me to a place of worship. The first thought I had was "This is for me; coming to church isn't as much about the people as it is the opportunity to come into the presence of God and receive the bounty of His love." I realized how much I missed this time with my Holy Father. The sermon convicted me, encouraged me and helped me understand that I am truly a prodigal daughter of Faith United Methodist Church. And just like the son who came home to the unconditional love of his father, we returned to acceptance and love. The healing of these wounds is now complete.
God is good and I am blessed.
Monday, May 7, 2012
It Is Done, It Is Good
We've done it.
After what seemed like an endless stream of papers and spending more money in one day than we ever thought possible, we held the keys to our future in our hands. I have been dreaming of a different kind of life, one of our own design rather than one imposed on us by external circumstances. For so long we have lived a reactionary life; now, we are living proactive and on our terms. It feels, well...so grown-up.
This blog is going to be devoted to this new life and the process of turning our little house into our special home. Not only will I be redecorating but will use the house as a blank canvas for my Unchained Home crochet designs and freeform fiber art. We will also be cooking, gardening, bird watching, and possibly even learning to kayak. There is an active art community in Rockport and I would love to volunteer and get to know like minded art aficionados.
I have never done a video recording much less upload it to the Internet, but with my handy iPad, I gave it a try. Come on in for a quick tour and then come back often to visit us on the coast.
After what seemed like an endless stream of papers and spending more money in one day than we ever thought possible, we held the keys to our future in our hands. I have been dreaming of a different kind of life, one of our own design rather than one imposed on us by external circumstances. For so long we have lived a reactionary life; now, we are living proactive and on our terms. It feels, well...so grown-up.
This blog is going to be devoted to this new life and the process of turning our little house into our special home. Not only will I be redecorating but will use the house as a blank canvas for my Unchained Home crochet designs and freeform fiber art. We will also be cooking, gardening, bird watching, and possibly even learning to kayak. There is an active art community in Rockport and I would love to volunteer and get to know like minded art aficionados.
I have never done a video recording much less upload it to the Internet, but with my handy iPad, I gave it a try. Come on in for a quick tour and then come back often to visit us on the coast.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Welcome Inside Chez Means de la Mer
We are keeping the bistro set - but I will be using it somewhere else. The wall color, in person, is much darker than it appears here; and while it is a nice color of blue, it is not the look I want, so it will get a coat of paint. The corner to the left of the photo is the perfect nook for my spinning wheel and my hoosier cabinet will fit nicely against that wall. I currently store fiber in it now and there is no reason to change.
This is the other side of the room and shows all the windows that will bring in tons of natural light. The outdoor furniture also stays with the house but will go out to the deck. I haven't decided exactly what I want to do with this side of the room. Possibly our antique breakfast room table; it is a drop leaf with an additional leaf. It will work as a desk, breakfast table, and could accommodate a large group for a meal. I can also see this at Christmas time - a beautiful tree, garland, twinkling lights...but I'm getting way ahead of myself.
First things first, sign the papers, get the keys, then launch headlong into the future. The next post will be the first day of the rest of our lives...trite but true.
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